I miss travelling :(

If there is something i can state as one of my passion or interest, i would say is travelling. And i am missing it a lot. 

2 years hmmm indeed a long time. As a Singaporean, i envy those living in big countries, they get to travel around inter-states of their countries. Singapore is a small island and it only takes maximum 45 mins moving from one end to the other end of the island.

Even in this covid isolation period, i am grateful that Singapore did not go through a major lockdown. A circuit breaker was more than a trauma for many. Though i know for a fact that my neighbours out there are less fortunate of not being able to even breathe the fresh air from their residences, the discomfort of wearing the mask is still a frustrating thing. The warm air u breathe within the mask and more annoying would be the fog on your spectacles each time you breathe out.

Once the borders reopen, travelling is still not advisable :( and that's pretty sad for someone who usually spends her long weekends and festival holidays abroad.

And needless to say, having a sister abroad; i thank Skype and watsapp video calls.

Resuming into the "book world"

It has been years since i got my hands on books; in fact on any reading materials. To relief all that free time which got me over-thinking and bringing me to face tears, fear, confusion within myself during the recent months, hopefully reading would get me out from this.

I have resumed into the "book world" in 2021 and since i have always love to read, this is helping me quite well to be honest. Hopefully this assistance does not wear off quickly. And i intend to write about the books i read; my emotions, opinions, recommendations and suggestions. And i am hoping to receive recommendations and suggestions of reading materials for me to read as well.

I just finished reading the book attached above. A beautiful novel of 2 neighbours who became best of friends and subsequently business partners of a pie cafe. Looking into the lives of 2 mothers who adapted from different backgrounds and experiences in life come together to understand each other and stand by each other as and when either of them needs the other.

This book made me explore life's positivity and cued me with confidence. Over the course of time, we have lived and grown. However, our dreams are possible if we firmly withdraw from our comfort zones, seek the possibilities and work towards where we want to see ourselves in the future.

Where am i?

During the time when i was at the lowest point of my life and at the verge of under a depression spell, i happened to come across some videos of a person. He happened to cheer me up each time i watched his videos. And i turned to those sources as a reliever to my tears. Recently he started podcasting and needless to say i enjoyed every episode of it.

I came across his Tweet an hour ago. He mentioned about picking up a passion, sharpening it and making it your career. I admire the confidence he has within himself and the risk he took to achieving his passion.

This got me thinking about myself. Why is it i can never fight through my interests, hobbies, passions for long? I get so mentally and emotionally tired of trying and trying to achieve what i want to. I started blogging and tweeting and even considering to do YouTube sharing but will i achieve what i want to. What do i even want to achieve from these social network to begin with?

I get a little relieve each time i blog my feelings and whatever i feel i want to say here. But how long is this going to be? When will the day come when i can sigh off the last breath of my emptiness? Have i lost my crown forever which was the spark on my wings?

For years, I used to write poems and write stories out from comics. Eventually i stopped, why and how it happened.... i do not know. Years back, I was into volunteering which i value more than anything i did (in a hospital); conversations with young patients and their parents, listening to them, lifting up their confidence, making a difference to their lives.... And why did i even stop that.... I do not know. Why am i not being able to focus? I want to resume all of these, but they seem to have gone too faraway from me.

"Tears are words that need to be written"

                                        - Paulo Coelho

Hoping so those words will be vanished by my smiles someday.

Lived a nightmare

Nightmares are dreams as well. And it was such a nightmare which i wished i never had. I would have not even slept last night if i knew. My bad dreams come true 80% compared to my nice ones. My nice dreams frequently remain as dreams.

Usually on every night, it would take me about 15 mins of tossing and turning on bed before i am asleep. Last night was one of the few nights i was too tired, my eyes were feeling heavy. I only remembered lying on the bed covering myself with the comforter.

I was in a large hall with a colleague and there are works to be done on the wall which was at a height where a cantilever ladder was required. There were two handymen standing on the cantilever ladder doing some patching job on the wall. Me and my colleague were there to ensure the job was done before signing the service invoice. Almost close to an hour and the job was done. One of the handyman came down the ladder and handed us the service invoice to be signed while the other was still on the cantilever ladder packing the toolbox before making his way down.

The moment where i wished i had woken up. Why did my mobile not ring before this part of the nightmare..... so i could have got up from my sleep.

The man on the cantilever ladder was about to climb down while communicating loudly with the other man who was standing next to us. My fingers are getting numb to even pen down that awful incident here.

The man slipped.... was this really happening.... he slipped. And he fell, we were running towards him. Before i reached him, i fell back when i realized his hand got severed. What was i even witnessing. This isn't happening.

The worse thing was i kept going back to the part where the man was getting down the cantilever ladder hoping that he would not fall the next time but it happened for the second time and yet again the third time and i opened my eyes looking at the dark blue wall of my room. There was a huge sign of relief in me but yet a thought in me asking myself what was that incident trying to tell me.

What is a "Shared dream"?

Ended a book "The Deep Blue Between" by Ayesha Harruna Attah. 

A beautiful novel based on the lives of a pair of twins who were painfully separated during a raid and struggled out from slavery to find their twin.

This book got me reading up on "Shared dreams" right after.

What is a "Shared dream"?

Is it real or a subconscious heartfelt feeling?

When you have lost a common object you hope to own which someone desires for as well.

When you are expecting to unite or reunite with someone you need so much in your life.

When someone is experiencing a similar incident or event as you.

What are "Shared dreams" actually?

Having a similar dream as another person.

Imagine sharing your dream with someone and that person happened to have the similar dream and have you wondering what is the hidden message that you need to know and how is it connected to the other person.

Could it be a case where our minds give dreams that trick us into thinking that we are dreaming someone's dreams because that person was in our thoughts while we were falling asleep?

Just when i was curious reading up on this, i recalled the weight of my wounding dreams since my teens or should i call them incidents which i need to prepare myself for. Death - a painful word. I ask myself till this day if this is something which is doing me good for me to have a sense earlier or is it a curse casted on me. I never want to dream anything which is related to death or any dilapidated buildings, they fix me to the edge of my seat waiting for someone to bid goodbye or to encounter those familiar eerie buildings along my travelling routes at any time of the day. I have shared this to my immediate family members and close friends, none of them have ever experienced this. And as days pass, my curiosity questions me if i will get a hint of myself bidding goodbye.

Brief Peek of a Memoir

Thoughts were beginning to take a huge toll on me and the circuit breaker had to dive in during that moment when all i needed badly was to step out for a relaxed, positive ambience. And then a sensation, like a wise voice prompting me a cue that maybe some presence on a platform would help. A soapbox on where i could talk, share and ink all that weight in me where i would not be hit below the belt nor having unwelcomed fingers in my pie all the time.

So "One Day" or "Day One" and here i am beginning my journey in JacintaPensDown.

I wish i knew all that i needed to know to start blogging. Still into researching and googling on it. I would appreciate it lots to have someone come by to give me a hand in making me feel like home here.

On-board Blogging Journey

Well, never did i even once imagined myself blogging someday and here i am connecting with all of you. I shall board onto this journey with an introduction of myself and subsequently tell you more on my next blog on why and what inspired me to start blogging.

As a brown-skinned Cancerian girl from the small city of Singapore, a simple person with a desire to lead a life of serenity and positive vibes surrounding me. I have always had this interest of communicating with people, feeding myself with awareness just about anything and everything. And i love to come into fruition with "news donors" of food and beverage, art, travelling, interests, hobbies, books, movies, careers, adventures and on goes the list.

Now i am indeed facing this uncertainty of whether i will set forth myself to be warmly welcomed as a blogger not a "wow" one though. It took me more than a month to decide if i should start blogging, the fear of whether i would make a good blogger. And one fine day which is today, just one of those days when i told myself "You never know till you foot on your first baby step."

And i am on-board.... 😊