Where am i?

During the time when i was at the lowest point of my life and at the verge of under a depression spell, i happened to come across some videos of a person. He happened to cheer me up each time i watched his videos. And i turned to those sources as a reliever to my tears. Recently he started podcasting and needless to say i enjoyed every episode of it.

I came across his Tweet an hour ago. He mentioned about picking up a passion, sharpening it and making it your career. I admire the confidence he has within himself and the risk he took to achieving his passion.

This got me thinking about myself. Why is it i can never fight through my interests, hobbies, passions for long? I get so mentally and emotionally tired of trying and trying to achieve what i want to. I started blogging and tweeting and even considering to do YouTube sharing but will i achieve what i want to. What do i even want to achieve from these social network to begin with?

I get a little relieve each time i blog my feelings and whatever i feel i want to say here. But how long is this going to be? When will the day come when i can sigh off the last breath of my emptiness? Have i lost my crown forever which was the spark on my wings?

For years, I used to write poems and write stories out from comics. Eventually i stopped, why and how it happened.... i do not know. Years back, I was into volunteering which i value more than anything i did (in a hospital); conversations with young patients and their parents, listening to them, lifting up their confidence, making a difference to their lives.... And why did i even stop that.... I do not know. Why am i not being able to focus? I want to resume all of these, but they seem to have gone too faraway from me.

"Tears are words that need to be written"

                                        - Paulo Coelho

Hoping so those words will be vanished by my smiles someday.